i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
