Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
