oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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