I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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