i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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