Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
