He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
