I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
