I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
last night I used snow as a chaser
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