Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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