was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
