I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
