the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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