i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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