First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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