things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
