Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
