Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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