There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
