Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
