we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
