those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
