i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
