I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
