please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
