my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize