I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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