I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
