I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone shattered a urinal.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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