so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
