We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
