I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
