Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize