I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
