forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
