After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
