I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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