well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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