I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
