I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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