I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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