just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize