If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
tell me about the eggs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
