We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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