I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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