Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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