I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
