...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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