How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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