Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
