I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
