Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
