Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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