kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
