your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
