I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize