cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
