Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
