Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dear god my vagina.
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